Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
