I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my poor anus
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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