She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
