I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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