The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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