I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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