dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
