I wish my penis had an off switch
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
