p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize