it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
