Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
