you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
