Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i believe in u and ur pee
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
