That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
