You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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