literally had 100 drinks last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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