Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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