Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
