y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize