Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
