if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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