I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
