So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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