But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Randomize