its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
