I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
