So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
