i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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