So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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