addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
