She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
