i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
