I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
