my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
it hurts more in the daytime
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
