dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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