This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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