i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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