we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im having a threesome with these popsicles
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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