If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
