I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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