I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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