I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
