I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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