even my farts smell like vagina
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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