Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
