just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize