Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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