so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
