This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
