Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
