sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
