bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
