I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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