There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize