I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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