I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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