Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize