There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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