3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
