I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
