If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
