and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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