he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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