whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
