if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This house was built for laser tag.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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