then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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