Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize