Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize