Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
