Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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