mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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