I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
