this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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