I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
